Apr 18 – Happy Easter everyone

The Easter bunny cadaver was a killer !

It’s Friday 9:30 Ayem….
….and sunny at the moment, 11C, the breeze is a tad cool, but nothing I expect like Nakina area was to get/already got from that unseasonably late MONSTER blizzard which hit four provinces and numerous states. Ouch! Miz. Jo will likely check in with Sisty-Ugler #3 (*see below) in Gerbilton later to see what’s up. Anyway, as I said ‘it’s Friday’….actually it’s Good Friday, as Fridays go, and that means everything’s closed down….Post Office/banks/Zehr’s/In And Out Store….and that means no ‘buckboard run’ for yours truly today, except of course hit Circle K Convenience, where they NEVER close, to see if I won a Grand A Day or if Miz. Jo will maybe grab $325 G’s on her Scratch & Win Bingo. Our main ‘chore today was to clean out Aggie, our ‘tomato and herb-growing machine’ and we’ve already done that. So….SO….I figured I’d get an early start on next week’s “F/N” column, after slipping down to Edna The SUV for a ‘puff’. Hey….I mentioned ‘the breeze’ earlier on? Well they don’t call 555 Park Rd. N. ‘The Wind Blows Inn’ for nothing! S–t! The ‘breeze’ almost turned Rotzy into a ‘220lb jib sail’ as it filled my (open at the front) Times-Star jacket and tried to haul me down the parking lot as if I were the HMS Bounty, but I ‘made adjustments’ and it ‘deposited me’ right at the front door. By the bye, Sisty-Ugler #3 (*see above) and Miz. Jo were ‘Facebooking’*tm earlier this week and #3 mentioned something about the two Care Bear ‘orders’ Miz. Jo is knitting….then suggested making ‘Ukrainian Bears’…..in blue and gold!…..and Bingo! Methinks Jo Ann is on ‘Ukie’ #3….or #4….after re-stocking her wool inventory with a trip to Len’s Mills yesterday aft. How many? We’ll see….Miz. Jo gets one-a-day off the assembly line when all’s running well. Where will they go? No problem, where they’re needed….we’ll find them good homes! Anyway, today, as I implied, is kind of a ‘kick-back day’ after running to appointments all week……Last Mon at 10:00AM…Paris Heart Clinic to return my Holtie Monitors; 11:00 AM Foot Works for quarterly ‘tune-up’ and toenails cut; Tuesday BGH X-Ray 9:00AM…..echo-cardiogram; Wednesday 7:40AM…VON….leg check/wrap and elbow bandage…..pharmacy….re prescriptions….family doctor….ear cleaning…..plus pick up new pills….all in the name of ‘good health’! The only cancellation this week was/is the Brantford Guy Group BGG Weekly Meeting today at 3:30 as the Navy Club celebrates Good Friday. Anyway, tyme to slip down to Circle K and see if we’re ‘amongst the rich’. Stay tuned.

Sat 7:00 Ayem And Here I Sit….
….trying to figure why Miz Jo and Rotzy aren’t in Dutch’s limo, enroute to the Ont Lottery And Gaming Offices in T.O. to claim/gather our winnings from last nite, but it’s not happening?! So, poop/s–t on that plan! No sweat….I’d much prefer to grab the $55 Million in tonight’s Lotto Max Draw anyway, merci. So….SO….a week and a bit ago Jo Ann says ”how ’bout a ham this Easter”?….before Rotzy picks up a frozen ‘gobbler’ between 10 and 15 lbs, the turkey being a virtual ‘automatic’ for us T’ksgiving, Xmas and Easter. But Ham? Well, definitely NOT on Dec 25th….something unholy about that…..T’ksgiving?….maybe.….but Easter? Sure, why not?! So….SO….’a ham’ for us is usually a ‘whole ham’…..probably ‘smoked’ and probably ‘bone in’ and probably from ‘Cook’s’ if my memory serves me well. It needs about 3 hours in the oven, carve off what we want/need, serve with plenty GOOD Dijon moutarde, scalloped potatoes and cetera. Maybe another meal with mac and cheese, then fit the remaining half into a large ZipLoc*tm bag and into the freezer compartment it goes. If you don’t properly label it with a Sharpie*tm Marker Pen, six months down the road you’re wondering ”what the hell is that big bag of stuff in the back that looks like it has terminal ‘freezer burn’? Hence, I said (to myself) ”Not THIS tyme, Toad! Not gonna waste half of a $25-$30 chunk of meat”! So I got us a ‘Swift-Premium Smoked/Bone Out Ham’. In red tinfoil, it’s even got a packet of its’ own glaze inside the wrapper…AND….it’s already been sliced at the same thickness ALMOST all the way through, so the server (that would be me) decides how much to serve up individually, which should make carving a piece of cake as well as cutting down on waste. Also, Betty Crocker is gonna help me with the scalloped potatoes and I expect the Green Giant….you, know, the ‘Jolly’ guy…..will lend a hand with Brussels Sprouts, or maybe ‘green and white ‘trees’. Methinks some dinner rolls from my favourite bakery down on St Paul Ave….and since I’m already goin’ there, one of their ‘Bread Puddings’ for dessert. MMmmm! Let’s bring it on shall we?

The “F/N” Readership May Recall….
Rotzy got through last week’s entire column WITHOUT a word/comment about ‘COVID’ and/or ‘Russia’s one man war vs The Ukraine’. Sorry…..isn’t gonna happen again this week. Actually, Rotzy’s NOT sorry in the least! as Miz. Jo and I look forward to getting our #4 COVID Booster shot on or about Apr 20th! (*if YOU are ”tired of it/them” and/or ”can’t be bothered”, that’s cool. YOUR choice.) As to that Russian Pig Vladimir Puke-in. This MASSIVE effort being wrought by numerous allies of The Ukraine claiming that Putin’s actions are ‘Genocide’….check your dictionary (genocide *pron. ‘jeh-no-side’) because Putin’s ‘re-writing it’….and it’s MUCH worse than it used to be. Plus, do these ‘allies’ actually believe they will charge Putin with Genocide Crimes, have him arrested, BROUGHT to trial and thusly charged, tried, convicted/found guilty and ‘punished’? C’mon, man! NOBODY is going to BRING/TAKE him anywhere….ALIVE. By the bye, he basically ‘put the US on notice’ as of Friday for supplying The Ukraine with weapons….some of which the Uke’s surely used to take out the ‘flagship’ of Russia’s Black Sea Navy, and now resembles a sub. Sorry, but at the moment I can’t find Puke-in’s ‘threat’ to Uncle Sam but I know Joe Biden can. It says here ”the s–t is about to hit the fan”! Stay tuned.

It’s Been 20 Years Plus….
….that Rotzy’s been looking forward to my own Annual Chocolate Easter Egg Hunt, ALWAYS with a helping hand/paw from The Easter Bunny…..ALWAYS two dozen eggs….and I ALWAYS write about it in this “F/N” space. Well, E/B was/is a ‘No-Show’ for Easter 2022! That’s right….AWOL! Lovely. NO CHOC EGGS!! Well, I had an inkling there was sum ting wong yesterday (Sat,16th) as I was perusing the Fresh Chicken Display at Zehr’s Market….and right at the end of the last cooler, sitting on top of three flattened/whole ‘jerk-flavoured’ chickens was a rabbit! Dead, cleaned, skinned and headless…..1.5 k/g $23.45….from OKA, PQ. Well, I nearly soiled my shorts!! Then I screamed at the meat manager ”Who is this”? He replied “HUH”? “This corpse….is it The Easter Bunny? Peter Cottontail? Bugs”? “HUH?….look buddy, I’ll put a 50% Off sticker on it for you, OK?” Anyway, I hardly slept….was up at three….and like I said “NO CHOC EGGS”….and no E/B in 2022! OK, OK, OK. DOH!! I lied. Yours truly forgot to buy any.

*Thought Of The Day...I wonder if clouds ever glance downward and say “Hey look. That one looks like an idiot. (Comrade Sgt Vladimir Bubnik….USSR Red Army…Team Russia Ice Hockey….ret.)