Apr 6 – A column with less bite in it than usual

Rotzy ain’t a happy camper as he’s gotta pay a visit to his less than favourite professional, his dentist.


Easter Sunday….
….especially Sunday morning, is always one of yours truly’s favourite tymes. Aside from a nice breakfast (rumour has it that this year will include French Toast with some thick-sliced smoked bacon), Rotzy always enjoys listening to Handel’s Messiah/Halleloujah Chorus (not to be confused with Leonard Cohen’s version, which is also fine by me) AND of course, my Annual Chocolate Easter Egg Hunt. Which I will carefully hide tonight (Sat). Usually a couple dozen and this year I’m going with foil-wrapped, KitKat*tm flavoured eggs. It’s Sat ayem as I write this, so stay tuned and I’ll let y’all know how I made out when I finish “F/N” tomorrow.

Following Last Week….
….and my “F/N” verbal attack on some horn-happy, young woman in a big Dodge Ram/Hemi pick-up (I’m betting it was her boyfriend’s truck) in Zehr’s parking lot, I went over it again in my pumpkin, and NO, Ram Lady gained NOTHING with her ‘over-aggressive’ driving, having to stop immediately anyway at a Stop sign, then a Red Light (with ME right behind her) before entering the thoroughfare. *Note….it was at that point that I pondered whether or not to give the Ram a little ram/nudge from behind, like the NASCAR drivers do to congratulate/acknowledge someone. Well, it wasn’t a difficult decision….if Rotzy so much as put a mark on the big, new-looking Dodge, she’d tell her boyfriend. He’d be annoyed…firstly with HER….for getting hit!….then with the olde guy. He’d come after me….he’d find me….and it would NOT go well for me! So….SO….to quote Will S…..”all’s well that ends well”. Also, and by the bye….it just so happens that last week was a completely ‘Rage-Less’ one for Rotzy!! Imagine.

You Scream, I Scream….
….we all scream for ice cream. MIz. Jo prefers cones….single-scoop, via our ‘Neilson*tm Professional Liquid-filled Ice Cream Scoop….and Rotzy likes a bowl with three large scoops, Hersheys*tm Choc Syrup and blanched-skinless peanuts. (*Back in the 1950’s Marjorie Rotz called it a ‘dish’ of ice cream, the peanuts always had skins (Spanish or Jumbo Redskins) and HER homemade chocolate syrup was what Mr Hershey tried (and failed) to duplicate. Sorry to say Marj’s syrup was ‘discontinued’ decades ago and the peanuts (with skins) I get from bulk bins are always stale. So….SO….I got a serious hankerin’ for a ‘bowl/dish’ of ice cream last Thursday….Chapman’s is fine and Hershey’s Syrup will do….but the only peanuts on hand were a part bag of P/C BBQ. No way!! Next shelf down sat a can of P/C Mixed Nuts (40% Cashews) and I  said (to myself) “Hey Toad, you can deal/cope with that….just add a bit more chocolate”. So I did. And I am really getting into it….really pigging out….then something happened….something hard/brittle in my mouth. “Hey Toad, feels like you ‘found’ a filbert or a Brazil nut….maybe an over roasted almond?……hey, enjoy”. And I did….but still something’s not right. “Hey Toad….you didn’t break one of the front three teeth off your upper partial….then swallow it…..did you”? I said “WHAT”? “Toad….What about the two front ones on your lower partial”? “WHAT”? I popped both partial plates and they were fine, glanced in the mirror and suddenly Bobby Clarke (with a beard) is smiling back at me) I had somehow broken/removed/eaten and swallowed the tooth beside my upper/right/eye tooth….in its’ entirety! No muss, no fuss and no pain. And then….”Hey Toad….way to go, stupid!….you just screwed yourself outta $5 or $10 Bucks….from The Tooth Fairy!! “WHAT”? He don’t pay diddly for anything coming out the bottom end”!! Damn.

Easter Egg Hunt Results
    The 3 bags of KitKat*tm ”Hide Me” Chocolate Eggs I got at Zehr’s for my hunt were five to a bag, so I only had 15 for this year. No matter….but rather than Rotzy hiding my own eggs (which is the whole idea) I had a little after dinner snooze, and woke up to an empty KitKat bowl. There were all gone/hidden. The  Easter Bunny strikes….again. Or Peter Rabbit. Hey, no big deal….I can just ‘pretend’ I hid them. Anyway, it’s now Sunday 9:52AM and I’ve turned up FOURTEEN of ’em. ONE still somewhere around unit #303….but hey, it’ll turn up somewhere/sometyme. Not the usual turkey or ham for Easter Dinner for 2021….smoked duck breast this year, and Miz. Jo and I are quite looking forward to it. Hope YOUR Easter went well and I KNOW you didn’t gather more family/friends together than COVID-restricted Ontario allows.(*see below)

”One, Two, Three Strikes You’re Out….
    at the old ball game”…..so go the lyrics. Unless you happen to be the owner(s), Upper Management of the Texas Rangers American Baseball League Team…..and in the Rangers case it’s not strikes they’re out of….they are clearly ”out of their MIND”!! Lemme ‘set the stage’ here if I may. OK? The Blue Jays are at Yankee Stadium this (Sunday) afternoon for the ‘rubber match’ of their 3 game, season-opening series. New York crowds were limited to a small percentage of Yankee Stadium seats. The Jays are using their Duneden facility for THEIR home games (at least to begin the season with) and it’ll be similarily restricted. OK? OK. But when Toronto and New York finish with each other this aft, the Jays will climb aboard their plane to Arlington, Texas, to play in the Rangers ‘Home Opener’ tomorrow afternoon, for which ALL EIGHTY THOUSAND SEATS in Globe Life Stadium have already been sold!! Yessirreee….80,000. Well as they say, ‘everything’s BIGGER in Texas’, right podner? Whatever. They sure as heck didn’t say SMARTER!! So….SO….in filling their park for Opening Day….altho apparently they’ll cut back on sales after that….it seems to me they’re flying in the faces of the rest of MLB’s teams, the Players Union….dishonoring the memory of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, Mel Ott, Shoeless Joe, The Grand Olde Game itself….not to mention Dr. Anthony Fauci, COVID-19’s number one enemy in the USA. Imagine ‘thanking’ your loyal fans by encouraging 80,000 of them to sit elbow to elbow for three hours with COVID in a full-blown 3rd Wave mode!! Dumbasses!

*Thought Of The Day…If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?

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