Mar 7 – No blossoms but lots of buds replacing the Smirnoffs

Rotzy’s boycotting in protest and workin’ hard at boycotting the right stuff. It’s an education, we tells ya!


Somewhere in the last one or two “F/N” columns, yours truly jumped in (with both feet) on various ways and ploys we could/would attempt to wreak some major havoc on Comrade Putin and his Russian economy….following various governments (like the US, our own, Gr. Britain and cetera) though OUR targeted area(s) would be much ‘smaller’ than oil and gas and other such commodities….like, perhaps ‘retail products’….not really knowing what Canada buys from them in tymes of peace, yet I’m quite confident the Lada automobile was not a shining example of such enterprise! And then the idea bloomed just like Dutch tulips in the spring! Vodka! That’s it….we’ll BOYCOTT their !!&%$#@! VODKA at the In And Out Store….aka the LCBO. Well, dont’cha know it was just like someone at Queens Park had latched onto Rotzy’s idea, it’s all over the news that weekend and all of their stores were mandated….(*look!…I don’t have tyme for this, so if you don’t like word ‘mandated’, insert the word ‘told’, if you can’t handle ‘told’, skip the “F/N” article entirely)….to ”remove all Russian vodka from LCBO store shelves immediately, and I’m thinking ”perfect! kick ’em where it counts! Right in the wallet”!! Anyway, Monday ayem I find myself at the In and Out Store to top up my Bud Light Tall Boy count as well as finding a ‘nice dry white’ (like a Cote du Rhone 1998 Chablis) to go with Miz. Jo’s Crevettes, Champignons et Riz Brun Pilaf Dinner….so I’m rolling my cart outta the Chilled Beer Room and there’s the vodka aisle right ahead of me!!…..very neat, but absolutely BULGING with product. Especially SMIRNOFF, where the name and various Smirnoff products and ‘by-products’ occupy half the shelves! So….SO….I immediately growled (almost) to myself ,”Well, Toad….lovely!….isn’t THAT just that some kind of BOYCOTT”!….I glance down at my LCBO cart with my 6-pack of tall boys in the top rack carrier and grumbled (to myself) a tad too exhuberantly (”C’mon Toad, let’s show Vladimir what a real Ruskie “F/N” BOYCOTT looks like…..Rotzy’s one man wreck/em derby”!! Then, before I could ‘launch’ my Dodgem Car I mumbled, (”Toad….don’t be a dink! You KNOW most of these people, and most of them KNOW you….you wanna leave them with a great big mess to clean up?!” I whined….”Well, yeah!….I mean no!….but what about LCBO pulling all Russian products off their shelves”!!?? Suddenly there’s a young/new-to-me staffer standing right in front of me. He smiled and politely asked….’anything we can help you with this morning, Sir?’ Rotzy….rudely stated “I thought you were/are boycotting Russian products. (‘Yes Sir…..we….were/are’.) You’ve got a full (almost) aisle of Smirnoff s–t!!'(‘But they’re not Russian, Sir….*and he may have thought they’re French?) I lied ‘I knew/know that!!…..and immediately backtracked…..adding ‘sorry’….then he told yours truly the names of the ‘benched brands’, none of which were known to Rotzy. Anyway, perhaps you too are a little Wiser*tm as to Vodka 101….and Wisers*tm is whiskey. And the next tyme Comrade Putin sits down with a jug of his most favourite, I hope he chokes to death on it. Bottom line, because of a LCBO staffer who was on his toes, Rotzy didn’t have to ”extricate” (*verb…’to remove’ or ‘pull out’) my foot from my mouth. Thanks, guy!

Readers Ask
And recently it’s gotten (very annoyingly) too often, with a conversation something like this….”what’s happened to The D.O.T.W. (Dink Of The Week) Award? ”Seems like ages since there’s been one named and I’d have to check to see whom grabbed the honours…..’did you have someone in mind’? I ask, (and then brace myself) further wondering ‘does your person-in-mind live in or Moscow”? Actually, let’s cut the crap here, OK? If you’re talking about the Leader/Dicktator of Communist Russia….Vladimir Putin….you’re right. Actually, you’re ‘correct’….but you’re not ‘right’ to say he’s an automatic/shoe-in as the “F/N” D.O.T.W. In fact, you’re dead-ass wrong! You see, here at “F/N”HQ the D.O.T.W. is thing we pull up when needed to get someone in line….a D.I.N.K….and there is even the opportunity to get OFF the list….to ‘un-D.I.N.K.’ as it were. Hey….we even have some funn with it at tymes. However, as to Comrade Putin….firstly, Vadimir is ‘no “F/N” Comrade’ of Rotzy’s….and he is SO “F/N” far BEYOND anything resembling a D.I.N.K, kuddo , it doesn’t calculate.

More Readers ‘Contributions’
This one found the “From Nakina” Inbox last mid-week…..and yours truly LIKED the idea. I mean, REALLY liked it!! He had picked up on a Zoomer Radio News clip with some politician (Canadian?) wondering aloud 1/ if Russians studied Shakespeare in high school/college; 2/was Julius Caesar not usually part of the curriculum 3/ is Brutus’ part exactly the same in the english language version 4/how many Russian soldiers, officers and cetera would LOVE to ‘play Brutus’ in the Shakespeare…..because I rather doubt this Russian Mad Man has anywhere the number of committed ‘followers’ we’re led to believe. Plus, the current Cease Fire with the Ukrains is a blatant misuse of power three days ago…..Putin called a cease fire…..his enemy did cease. Russia did not. Rotzy’s telling anyone who wants to listen that Vladimir WILL cause NUCLEAR WAR….tho I really want to be wrong, rather than having to say ”I told you so”. But to whom? Hence….et tu Brute!!

Woulda/Coulda/Shoulda….
,,,,and it’s there right before ‘them’ (*see below) (not to mention ‘us’, if I’m gonna be truthful). The brass ring, an easy arm’s reach from the carousel; the light at the end of he tunnel; the thrill of the roller coaster; three aces and a pair of kings in a poker hand….and/or, more to the point….tossing a no-hitter whilst dropping your era to1.95 ; hitting for the cycle; scoring a pair of field level 3rd Row seats at Fenway with the Yankees coming for 3 games in September; seeing the Cubs vs the White Sox at Wrigley; a 3-run ‘frozen-rope’ /’walkoff’ ‘dinger’ in the bottom of the 13th….OK, OK, OK! ‘Nuff said….Rotzy’s talking BASEBALL here and now! Major League Baseball (MLB) and all the accoutremontes (did I just say ‘accoutremontes’?) But….it’s …….ahhh, s–t….never mind. Rotzy needs baseball, our neighbour Dorothy (not her real name) needs baseball/her Jays. OK, OK, OK….the FIFA Cup awaits in the wings, while MLB plays mind games but get our Blue Jays back. Rotzy’s NOT picking sides in this damned, poorly timed pissing contest….owners/players/coaches/managers/mascots/Home Hardware Field Keepers/Trainers/Beer-Food Vendors/and, least of all, Umpires….in fact, we/they need tor one of the ‘more veteran type’ Umps, to walk into one of their solve-nothing, bulls–t sessions, and yell loudly ”PLAY BALL’!!!’

*Thought Of The Day….If you thought Skyline Living had/has moved their snow mountain range by now, you’re wrong! I told you to go with May 8-10th

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