POLITICS (US): Donald the Turtle King

Donald the Turtle King
(inspired by “Yertle the Turtle” by Dr. Seuss)

In a pond full of chaos and hatred and fire,
Lived Donald the Turtle the consummate liar.
He ruled from a tower all fake gilded gold,
And tweeted dumb thoughts with hands tiny and old.

His skin was bright orange, a Cheeto dust spray,
Distracting one’s eyes from his quiff-like toupee.
“I’m king of the deals and of stupid red hats!
I’m king of the tariffs and lying bout stats!”

“America First!” Donald constantly brayed.
“So stack up each nation! I’ll tariff their trade!”
Then turtles were summoned from far and from wide,
Each one a country, with their pride set aside.

He stood on their backsides, one shell at a time,
To build up his throne and then call it divine.
First came Mexico, taxed on all trade,
Germany next for the cars that they made.

China then followed with its tech and its steel,
And France for its wine and its luxury feel.
Japan was squeezed hard for its autos and parts,
And India buried beneath bogus trade charts.

Brazil was then taxed with a furious decree—
“For jailing Bolsonaro? You’ll pay 50% to me!”
But then along came small Canada, calm and polite,
And Donald the Turtle King saw a chance for a fight.

“You think you’re so clever with your D, E and I?
I’ll slap you with tariffs right up to the sky!”
“I’ll take all your lumber, your syrup, your lakes—
And if you resist, I’ll raise up the stakes!

You’ll be my backyard. Hey – you know what’d be great?
I’ll hereby declare you my 51st state!”
But down at the bottom, a turtle named Johnny,
A Canadian fellow— soft spoken yet brawny—

Said, “Enough of this nonsense, you pompous old clown…
Your tower’s a joke, and it’s time it came down!”
“You tax all our lumber, our syrup, our grain—
You mock us, you block us and cause us great pain!

You threaten our borders, our pride, and our fate—
But we’ll never be your 51st State!”
“You think we’ll succumb, let you take what you please?
We’re turtles, not servants bent down on our knees!

We’re nobody’s footstool, we’re sovereign and free!
Which is what all turtles and nations should be.
We’re done being quiet. We are starting a ruckus.
You’ll get quite a surprise if you think you can fck us.”

So Johnny started a boycott, and then changed his vacation,
Causing turtles abroad to consider their ‘station’.
The tower then wobbled, the tweets fell like rain.
Then Donald the Turtle King felt some great pain.

He tumbled down hard, hitting each shell as he went,
And as he past the Australians, they shouted “Get bent!”
His face in the mud, his con now exposed,
His citizens realizing at last they’d been hosed.

The nations then stood, paused a moment to linger,
Then each nation gave Donald the salute with a finger.
They vowed never more to be stacked up again,
And considered mild Johnny the staunchest of friend.

And as for this poem? It’s all true – I swear it,
    And I hope with all of my heart that you’ll share it!

[Ian Cunliffe is a local (West Vancouver) artist who usually produces whimsical pen & ink watercolours of scenes on the North Shore. Lately he’s been posting clever political cartoons on Facebook and today he’s a poet.]
Source: Thanks Reg Rea