***Memo To Chris Rock…c/o ‘The Academy’
Hey Chris! Bob Rotz here in Brant’s Ford, Ontario. I caught you, as did gazillions of others, on TV for the Academy Awards last Sun the 27th. Now, I want to make it clear I’m not a huge fan of the silver screen….in fact the last tyme Miz.Jo (that would be my wife) and Rotzy went to a movie house, it was in Toronto (*see below) and ‘Good Morning Viet Nam” was on the marquee. So….SO….in spite of two years of coronavirus and cetera, the fact is that Odeon Cineplex (and the other Big Box movie houses) are too “F/N” expensive for many/most of us oldsters. Anyway, back to the Awards, it came tyme for you to give Will his Award….but instead 1/ the wheels fell off, 2/ Will lost his sense of humour, his cool, and then 3/ Will opened a can of ‘whup-ass on y’all’s pumpkin! And while many/most ‘experts’ are saying ‘Will SMACKED Chris’, as in open-palmed ‘like a woman’….whilst we here in Apt #303 said/say Mr. Smith PUNCHED Mr. Rock in the head….’closed-fist; Tell Ya what Chris….Y’all took a big punch, from a big (-ger) man, Brother. Then I said (to myself) “Well Toad, here we go folks….a couple BIG NAME brothers here gonna get at it!”
Anyway, Rotzy’s not gonna flog on a deceased equine here….but….Will Smith knows he screwed up….’forgetting to laugh at himself/ditto for Mrs Smith’….so lets get back to the REAL point of this “Memo”, Chris. OK? I heard on Zoomer Radio 740 of an extensive Chris Rock Tour, covering much of North America and that includes one night in T.O., which could require two, DUE TO DEMAND….since Oscar Nite. Well, Ticketmaster, the outfit that sells seats for any and every event in Canada listed the CHEAPEST seats for your upcoming Concert at Scotia Bank Arena at about $45 dollars ….as of March 26th! As of March 28th they were costing nearly $400 apiece! Get this! Today (April 2nd) they want $700 and change!….but if you want/need ‘TWO seats together’, you hand over $999 each! S–t! Still with me Chris.?? Well, our gov’t is dragging their butts on a 50% increase to our OAS, Rotzy wants to make some ‘green’, and I need YOUR help….so here’s my plan, starting in Tronna. After your short ‘monologue and a couple jokes, Rotzy (I’ll be ON or NEAR the stage) will strut over to you, and hit you. I won’t hit hard….not anything like Smitty!….no wayy!….s–t Brother, I’m 77 and ‘running on a quarter tank.’, even did another ‘fall down, go boom’ in our dining room last nite! For sure the place’ll go nuts, then it’ll become a regular part of the show, not unlike Harlem Globetrotters slapstick . And if you’d rather hit ME….hey, I’m cool with that….hey, it might even be funnier, you think? Waiting to hear from you Chris, and let’s get people laughing at each other as well as themselves again! The world has forgotten how to do that. Money? Well, you gonna be making a piss-pot full of it….so I could/should pull in $20-$25 G’s a nite….I mean, it was/is MY idea! And somebody sayin’ ”What about Will Smith”? ”Say what”? says Rotzy….that man is already in/near the same tax bracket as Oprah, hence you ain’t gonna see him lining up at the Hollywood Blvd Food Bank. Anyway, you da Man to make this happen, Chris! Tell you what….after a couple paychecks, I’ll lay out some big bucks for a front row seat for Will Smith! Not Mrs Smith tho, you’ve been there/done that….ditto for the fans….thereby it would surely detract from OUR performance and we don’t want that do we? What we….I in particular want is to get my plan into action, and show you and others it’s no ‘pie in the sky scheme’ dreamed up by some olde guy who’s already ‘crazy as a s–t-house rat’, his memory is shot, and he’s knocking on dementia’s door’. (*see below)
If You Think….(*see above)
If the previous item/piece made/makes any sense at all you MIGHT need some sort of ‘counselling’. Hell, yours truly wrote the damned thing, so that tells you where I’m at….well, sort of. (*update….Sun 10:35AM*) Besides, I just heard an item on 900 AM where a VERY upset lady reporter said/growled “If I had walked across that stage and punched/slapped/smacked Will Smith, security and PO-lice woulda been all over me, cuffed/arrested/charged/hauled off. So….SO….you see, I wanted/want security (OAS) and its’ pathetic shortcomings….and for reasons unclear to me, I ‘used’ Will Smith and Chris Rocks’ Academy Awards Debacle to draw people’s attention to it…..the OAS that is.!! Dumb idea, huh? Or not. Well, that entire fiasco. Look, I’ve been ‘pushing’ in this space for twenty years + that we need a ‘hefty increase’!!! Methinks 100% is ‘hefty’….YOU think? I’ve hit on three different P/M’s, and a handful of various MP’s, covering 4 different parties. Well, this ‘Monthly Financial Benefit’ is SO damned SMALL and Outdated Rotzy was/is firmly convinced the IMMEDIATE increase MUST be of 50%!! Never mind about a 25% ‘raise’….not even worth the change in paperwork. Word is, if I heard correctly, an increase has been granted by the gov’t (back in January?) and Junior Trudeau’s gonna dole it out….in segments?….sometyme. Soon? For some reason, 10% seems to ring a bell. Stay tuned…sorry, but you can bet the mortgage it WON’T be enough to buy a decent ticket for a Chris Rock Concert.