A couple COVID-related things from this one….check ’em out. *When this ‘lockdown’ is over, if you had to choose between going on a bender with yer mates or taking your Missus out for a fancy/romantic/candle lit meal? Which pub would you meet yer mates in? ** A home schooling Mom posted that her kid called her on the phone from his room and told her that he missed the bus and won’t be in today!
They MAY Have It Right….
this year, following our first measurable snowfall last Thurs. ‘They’ being Skyline Living, our kindly ‘keepers’ here at the 535/555/575 complex/compound and yours truly figures we ended up with about 4 inches (I don’t ‘do metric’) of ‘heavy, wet stuff’ to be plowed, shovelled, etc. from walks and parking areas, and brushed/scraped off vehicles. And it is because of the latter that I am SURE of the amount and type of snow…this is/will be year three for my ‘clear off other people’s SUV’s/cars ayem routine’. Rotzy’s winter exercise/fitness program, so the reason I know it was ‘heavy, wet stuff’ is because I only managed to clear off some 13 vehicles! (what a &#@$&# slacker, eh?) But back to Skyline’s plowing for winter 20-21….we hope!….well, a very BIG John Deere tractor with a very BIG blade (12 ft +) on the front rolled in and made short order of all three lots, whilst doing a good job of it! Last year their snow removal ‘effort’ was ‘laughable’….for lack of a better/more ‘colourful’ word; a number of ‘no shows’, leaving things up to the ‘salting truck’ much later in the day; sometymes an undersized Bobcat*tm might come at mid-day, with it’s too small/stationary blade and it didn’t actually plow so much as move snow around….and around and around. And around. The absolute ‘highlight’ of the season (or ‘lowlight if you prefer) was when two guys showed up mid-aft with (too small) handshovels….yes, I said ‘handshovels!….to clear a parking lot!!….plus a man and woman spreading salt ‘BY HAND’ from 5-gal plastic pails!!….to ‘work with Bobbie’ on moving tonnes of SLUSH and SLOP away from the driveway/entrance of #555….because the SNOW hadn’t been plowed at 7:00AM that day. But hey! that was last year, and after the new guy’s ‘debut’ last week things are lookin’ good! Because, like they say ”nothing runs like a Deere”!!! So….SO….as Nat King Cole said in song, ”Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow”.
The Grinch Known As COVID-19….
has claimed another ‘victim’ for Xmas 2020. The third floor ‘elevator loading/unloading area’ here at 555 Harris Place….aka ‘The 300 Lounge’….will NOT be hosting it’s ‘2nd Annual Xmas Gathering’ this year….the main reason of course is (lack of) ‘proper COVID spacing’, much to the chagrin of those who certainly enjoyed themselves last year. Miz Jo and her friend Joan (not her real name) from down the hall initially got things going on it….3rd Floor residents only! on the Friday, 2 weeks before the 25th, bring some food, bring your own drink, whatever you want….from 3:00PM to supper tyme. And as it turned out I rather doubt any of us needed supper that night! We rounded up chairs and cetera, mostly from peoples balconies, the tree from #303 landed there, then table decorations and virtually everybody from Floor #3 was there….but for real, not ‘virtually’ if you get my drift. It was a great chance to see and greet neighbours, and meet some of whom were VERY recent new arrivals. Jeez, somebody even arranged for Elvis (not his real name) to be there….he showed up with his guitar, ‘thank you very much’, and did a great 2 hour ‘set’!….backed up by the ‘300 Lounge Choir’. As usual, word spread quickly and Floor #3 immediately became the envy of the rest of #555, as well as #535 and #575! As to this year, well folks, my Daddy taught me to ‘never say never’, hence, here’s hoping the COVID Xmas Grinch will be a long gone Ghost of Christmas Past a year from now!! ‘Bah Humbug’ to him!!
More Readers Write
*I see people around my age (75-ish) mountain climbing on a reality TV show….meanwhile, I feel good just getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance. **The Devil shows up in church and all the parishioners scramble out but an olde man. The Devil says to him ‘why don’t you run too….aren’t you afraid of me”? The olde man says ”nope, I married your sister”. ***If you make a masque out of a bra, use the left cup…..so you don’t look like a right tit when you go out.
Dr. Phil Skin Care ??!!
That’s what the email that landed on my Asus*tm (PC) last week declared. ”Skin Cream’ from HIM”? I asked myself….I answered ”S–t Toad, there ain’t nothin that Dr Phil don’t/won’t sell! (*see below) Nothin!!” (then it went like this) ”But wouldn’t skin cream come under the part of the ‘Dr Phil Empire’ run buy his li’l missus?….you know, the ninety-pounder with the big hair, big eyelashes, tiny (12-inch) waist, big pumpkin and face….the latter of which I’m sure is packed with more Bondo*tm than the rear fenders on my ’59 Chev Biscayne”. “Whoa there Bub, isn’t that about enough bad-mouthing of Mrs McGraw”? ”Sorry pal….but I have no use for her and even less for the Doc….was/is it showing”? ”Sort of….a bit”. “Well actually, I quite like it when Miz.Jo gets on a Dr. Phil Show 1 or 2 week roll on the TV….and I sit here quietly criticizing him to no end, as he comes up with the same lines….like….’I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck y’know’, and ‘I’ve been doing this for 45 years y’know’ (*see above) in his ‘good ol’ Okie/Texan’ accent. Tell ya something, as a graduate cum laude of Queen Oprah University….Phil along with Ellen, Dr Oz, Jake The Decorator, O’s best friend Gail, and cetera, a pretty successful alumnus, huh? He keeps on telling his show is in its’ 17th year and what amazes me most is the trashy/scuzzy/pitiful/pathetic humanoids that are apparently out here amongst us and he sticks ’em on national television. And you know what?? The ones he selects for HIS show are as absolutely hopeless as the ones who used to grace Oprah’s and Geraldo’s stages back in the day when they fought tooth and nail to see who could/would stoop the lowest”. ”So….SO….who won, Bub”? “I dunno, but isn’t it just swell that Dr. Phil is carrying on the great tradition”?!
*Thought Of The Day…Border Patrol just seized 2 tonnes of Charmin*tm T Paper hidden in cocaine.