May 3 – the cremation of Rotzy McGee

Fun stuff Nakina…ya gotta read about the cremation of Rotzy McGee at the end…

from Readers Write
It seems to me these days that there is a lot of emphasis on fitness, and encouragement of people to get into some sort of regular fitness regime, in lieu of all the ‘COVID downtyme’ thrust upon us by the pandemic. Well, that’s all fine and dandy, however, one of the “F/N” readership has gathered up some interesting ‘facts’ on a few folks in the forefront of being fit and some of them got yours truly’s attention! Check ’em out. For example, did you know that *the inventor of the treadmill died at 54?!; *the world’s leading body builder went skyward at 44?! *Maradona, the world’s top footballer (soccer player) only made it to age 60?! Yet….*Harland Sanders (of KFC fame) was still deep-frying chicken until he was 94; *cigarette-maker Winston lived to 102; (check THIS one out!)* the inventor of opium died at 116! (from injuries sustained in an earthquake!) Tell me….is there some kinda message there?? And could/should the (almost) daily afternoon walk for Miz. Jo and Rotzy be ‘altered/shortened/dropped’ from my/our to-do list? Replaced by glass of red wine and a Bud Light Tall Boy? S–t. Don’t wanna catch no damn bus whilst trying to get fit(ter) (*see below). Anyway, thanks to Clump (not his real name) for this heads up! Keep sending ’em folks!

”Love Is In The Air”….
….and so is COVID vaccine. I heard this one last week from 92.9 ‘early morning man’ Paul Lang’ (his real name) whilst enjoying the first puff du jour and my Maxwell House*tm, and yours truly laughed so damned hard I nearly hurled up my bagel with garlic and herbs Philly cream cheese! Paul was telling a story about how Phone Dating Services are still in business even with COVID everywhere….perhaps even busier BECAUSE of it….and it’s VERY common for the composer of the ‘love note(s)’ to add to his/her potential date/mate that proof of a COVID vaccination would go a long way to seal a deal. That’s the part that hit Rotzy’s funny bone….and I said (to myself)….”Well Toad, so that’s what it’s come to??!! VACCINE?! Hell, you remember when it used to be Love Potion #9 (!) but nowadays if you haven’t done the needle-ing, there won’t gonna be no nuzzle-ing, no neck-ing, and definitely no nooky-ing!!! Jeez. So….SO….does that mean ONE needle or do you need to have two before sending your note to ‘Dates ‘R Us’?” Anyway, I got to wondering what it would be like to compose one of those notes….I’ve never used one of those ‘dating services’ before. Yours truly ‘courted’ Miz. Jo for two years after meeting her on a ‘blind date’ set up by two friends, then we ‘eloped’ (*see below)….but figured I’d give it a shot. I mean writing the note. Let’s say a 50-something male trying to snare a woman in his age bracket. It might sound like this…..**Hi! I’m 58, divorced, no kids, recently retired, a non-smoker and in good health. I like long walks in the country, long walks on the beach, good Scotch, French wines, reading, and music, from Bach to the Beatles; I love horse-back riding (doesn’t everyone?) and cards. I really enjoy conversation over a fancy candle-lit seafood dinner which I would love to prepare. As you may guess, I’m a very easy-going, likeable fellow, the only thing I don’t like is COVID….which I thoroughly depise!….therefore will request that you have had your COVID Vaccinations 1 and 2….prefer Pfizer (but not mandatory) and signed proof thereof. Let’s meet. KN-95 masks of course.**

Guess Who’s Coming To Town
Denny! Who? Denny’s….that ‘American institution’ when it comes to eateries in the USA….kinda like McD’s with a more ‘extensive/adult’ menu, tho kids are welcome too, but no clown or play area. It’s right on the side of the Wayne Gretzky Parkway. Some middle-class, and all upper-middle-class Yanks would probably turn their noses up at Denny’s these days, but there was a day when lots of folks regarded them as ‘fine dining’….in the late 1970’s that included Miz. Jo and Rotzy as we set off from Bowmanville to Florida on a ‘belated honeymoon’ (*see above) for a week….on a very TIGHT budget (about $600 but don’t tell anybody). But in those days, Days Inn Motels was called 7 Days Inn…and it was….$7 a Nite! There were Denny’s all along Interstate 75 but we ate even cheaper than that at a new chain called Wendy’s….good burgs and we loved the chili con carne & (free) crackers. Our Daytona motel was near Denny’s for breakfast and dinner and we hit Steve’s Steakhouse (a Daytona landmark) for Miz. Jo’s birthday. So….SO….Rotzy’s NOT gonna badmouth an ‘American institution” as we enjoyed their food. My favourite? Gotta go with Country Fried Steak….which is their term for Chicken Fried Steak. I know not if they will open soon with take-out only or wait and do a proper opening. Stay tuned!

Helpful Hints
* The next tyme a telemarketer calls, hand the fone to your 2-year old daughter (or grand daughter) and tell her ‘it’s Santa’! **In a crowd of people, someone you don’t know/don’t WANT to know calls out “You look familiar! Where do I know you from”? Well, you line him up directly in your vision and call back at him “Do you watch porn”??? This is not a helpful hint per se, but I guess Rotzy is looking for somebody to tell me why Wal-Mart has 300 people working on the floor and only FOUR cash registers open??!!

Geese Update
My two ‘honker’ friends (Gary and Greta) are still in their spots over beside the In And Out Store at Lynden Park Mall and a couple of others come and go, but Greta, being ‘with child/egg’ is usually in the ‘nesting position’ whilst Gary comes and goes….the field was seeded early on and is now a lovely sea of ‘grass’ (or wheat?) about 8”-10” long. There should be young’uns real soon. BTW, the grass here at Skyline Living on the south side of #535 was even longer than…..bloody awful ’twas!….but a NEW landscape/grass cutting business finally showed up, ‘chopped it down, then tried to blow it away. Imagine. Rotzy woulda come in with a John Deere tractor and hay bailer, but what do I know? I also saw an opportunity and asked Miz. Jo if I/we could get a couple ‘miniature’ goats….just little ‘kids’….as pets, but we could ‘lease’ them out to our ‘keepers’ for ongoing maintenance… make and sell feta cheese and use the manure for the commune garden. ‘No” she said. Poop.

*Thought Of The Day…Just before I die (*see above) I’m gonna swallow a big jar full of Orville Reddenbachers Popcorn Kernels. My creamation’s gonna be epic!


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