Nov 7 – Classic Rotzy – a must read, for sure !

Quite often, Rotzy hits the right notes dead on…and when he’s hitting on Premier Doggy Ford….well, right on target.

This Rotzy column’s a “must read.”

Do The Math!
The “F/N” Question du Jour: ”What happens when an 82-yr olde/ 90 pound lady (on a ‘walker’) tries to open a door….in this case a 150 lb + ‘fire door’ that separates the elevator lobby from the hallway….in order to take the elevator down to check for mail”? In this particular scenario (if you hadn’t figured it out) ‘the 82-yr olde/90 pound lady’ was/is Miz Jo, ‘the door’ in question is on the 3rd floor of Skyline Living’s Harris Place….at 555 Park Rd North….and (apparently) one of Skyline’s ‘high end’ properties. ‘The door’ (from Hell) is a major ‘obstacle’ going to and from Unit #303, since well before having her new hip installed a few months back. Then came ‘the fight’….about two weeks back….Miz. Jo vs The Door! (from Hell). Miz. Jo lost. The fight. A TKO. Not pretty at all. (*by the bye, this happens quite regularly on Floors 2 – 7! Not on the 1st Floor though….THEY have a POWER door!! Floor #1….imagine. So….SO….Miz. Jo’s condition (not to mention her pain) has worsened considerably since the day of ‘the fight’ and a few various ‘symptoms’ were evident, not unlike pulled groin muscles and maybe even the new hip ‘popping out of place’….and Rotzy got an appointment at the BGH Fracture Clinic last Thurs (with 186 other schmucked up people) and Dr. Rhee (not his real name) her hip surgeon. Now, Miz. Jo always does doc appointments on her own, but this tyme she axed me to ‘be there’, perhaps ‘told me’? So there we are, looking at the (just taken) X-rays with the surgeon, who Rotzy figured to be about 17! Maybe 18. And there is the ‘new hip’, right where he had installed it back in August. And it is SO deep into Miz. Jo’s femur it’s NOT going anywhere! Ever. The diagnosis? A ‘pulled hamstring’…..a very common injury for athletes playing football, baseball, hockey, sprinters and long distance runners. In some rare cases it’s found in little, olde ladies (yes, and little, olde men too) who have been fighting with fire doors which are 150 lbs plus! Hence, like it said, ”do the math”. Now, we’re waiting for a R/x requisition from the Doctor for an ultrasound examination to see if Miz. Jo’s ‘pulled hamstring’ is actually a ‘TORN hamstring’….the latter of which possibly/probably means SURGERY. S–t. Stay tuned.

”Notwithstanding”….And Other Stupid Words….….like inasmuch; otherworldly; heretofore; wheretofore; theretofore; nonetheless; aforementioned; albeit; hereinafter; thereinafter; whereinafter; and cetera. OK, OK, OK, I know what you might be thinking….”Rotzy uses MANY of those “F/N” words in this space from tyme to tyme”. And you might be right. However, rest assured it’s not being done to ‘impress’ the readership! Moreover, it’s being done to ‘impress UPON the readership’ that the only letters following my last name are ‘GR 9 PR’….no ‘M/A in English’ from Queens, no ‘Phd/Eng’ from Mac….simply a ”Grade 9 ‘Provisional’ from E. Pauline Johnson CVS….but I hasten to add that back in THOSE days, one had to achieve passing marks in ALL subjects in order for one to be promoted to the next grade. Therein, the 16-yr old Rotzy ran into problems Not Shakespearian, Dickensian or the likes, et pas avec la francais! Math (ALGEBRA!) did me in (*see below)….and when Science went beyond dissecting frogs and/or knowing a #2 Pulley System from a #3, I was toast. Au revoir! A Dropout. As to my ‘algebra allergies’, I never passed even ONE mathematics test or exam in 2 2/3 years at P/J! Know what? It’s 60 years since I bid adieu to school….and I still know not (nor to I care a s–t) the answer to ”A +C over B x Pie R Square x 3 equals = ?” So, in the spring of 1962 I’m Joe Dropout and working only part tyme at first…what now? I read….became a reading phool…..any thing I could get my hands on! MAD Magazine!! Rolling Stone!! Sports Illustrated!! My brothers GQ, you name it. Eventually, after a few decades came the Steinbecks, Hemingways, Micheners, Burtons, Richlers and cetera….I still enjoy reading….daily….down in my ‘reading room’, Edna The SUV with a couple smokes, a Lemonade (Mikes) and/or perhaps a tall boy….this week it’s a Japanese author who has a Nobel/Literature Prize to his list of credits…an amazing book. *Rotzy Reading Rant complete.

As I Was Saying….
Of course ‘notwithstanding’ is the ‘stupid word’ getting all the ink and air play these days, seemingly an olde/never used ‘government word’. And according to ‘a source’ this is how it all went down Tuesday of last week at ‘Queens Park’. The PC’s were In Caucus…in The Caucus Room….that’s where you vote yay or nay WITH Doug Ford or you DEPART from the Caucus Room, The Caucus and The PC Party. Poof! you’re an ‘Independent’! It’s ‘the democratic way’, OK? Anyway, in comes the Premier, and tho Halloween is over he’s wearing a one-piece jumpsuit, PC Blue with sequins all over it,,,,and a bold black on white crest on the front (with MORE sequins) that reads “Union Busters”!! And he’s carrying a couple hardcover books…”Negotiating 101” and ”Bargaining” (James W. Hoffa)….just standing there, saying nothing. And then….he said it! ”NOTWITHSTANDING”. As if on cue….yet much louder than was necessary according to many of the caucus. Truth be known, it scared the s–t out of them as they were still gawking at the U/Busters outfit!! “Seems that nobody has, since 1943? but we’re going with the ‘Notwithstanding’ clause! Or is it ‘claws’? No matter….WE’LL show them who really is looking out for the CHILDREN”! And they all said ‘YAY’! Then the s–t hit the fan. Ford’s even riled up Trudeau! The P/M is NOT supposed to muck around with Premiers, but JT’s all over Ford like a hen on a June Bug. Ford decided to ‘play hardball’ last Wed/Thurs in his efforts to ‘break the union’…..well he clearly hadn’t got past the ‘Forward’ in EITHER of his new books. THIS is where he’s gotten his Yay And Nay Bunch to after FIVE months of ‘Negotiations’. Fail! Hey Doug, how about you ‘take the ‘teacher’ an apple’ next tyme you sit down opposite each other?! Nah….apple season’ll probably be done by then.

W E H T ?
Week #3 for ‘What Ever Happened To ?’ and we’re getting some good ones! Such as *W E H T The Philip Morris Cigarette Man/Boy? (the little guy with the brown ‘bell boy’ hat and uniform). * W E H T The Pillsbury Dough Boy? *W E H T Rummage Sales? (including The Penny Table! then again, *W E H T Pennies?) *W E H T Yancy Derringer? *W E H T Fritz Von Erich? *W E H T the .29 cents/gallon gas at Ken Amos’ Shell? *W E H T Lily St. Cyr? *W E H T Sarah Bernhardt? W E H T the $2 a tray draft beer at The Montreal House (aka The Forum) in Peterboro? Tied with the ‘St Julien’ in Brant’s Ford for ‘Best/Coldest Draft’. Send yours in, as many/often as you want.

*Thought Of The Day….The older we get, the older we get. And it doesn’t get any easier. But it’s better than the alternative. (from an olde friend….used to call him Ollie)

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