Apr. 20 – tuff times at COVID High

I Always Keep….
….a note pad handy during the week for anything that might make an interesting subject/topic for an item in next week’s “F/N” column and scribble something down in such a haphazard way that I’m sure only yours truly can decipher it. Then I write the column on my PC….half of it Sat ayem, and half of it Sunday. Well, ’twas getting near the end of the week as I glanced at the scratch pad and I said (to myself) “Hey Toad, you got nothing to write about but the ‘corona stuff’. ZILCH! NADA! And since you’re convinced that the media doesn’t care about anything else, I DARE you to write anything that is not ”COVID-19 driven”! In fact I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU!! ”You’re on” I shot back, tho I’m not so sure I can actually deliver. And then….

It Occurs To Me….
    I got ‘one of those letters’ almost three weeks ago….you know, ‘people who are looking for a relationship’….hopefully, a ‘romantic relationship’….as was this email from Helen (not her real name) who lives in Quebec. I think. She has brown hair, is only 28 years old, wants to exchange pics, and I just know people will say “Rotzy are you nuts?!” She also likes to go for long walks…but I can’t recall if it’s on the beach or in the woods? No matter, there was no mention of horse back riding or 5-pin bowling, the only author I knew from her list of favourites was Steven King, and musically she’s ‘into Pink Floyd’….(at age 28?)….I don’t have any of their records….but I know Eddie Floyd sang ‘Knock On Wood’, the original version. Anyway, rather than be ‘sneaky’ about it, I sent Miz Jo a copy of my letter to read, wondering if ‘the green eyed monster’ just might rear its’ head. No monster, just a smile and chuckle from her as she said ”Did you not see it’s addressed to ‘Jo Rotz’ ”. “It is”? Yes it is/was. And the writer’s name really IS Helen. Well, that’s what she signed as. I ‘deleted’ Helen.

‘Non-COVID-19 Item’ #2
    The lawns here at the #535/#555/#575 Complex have been absolutely inundated this spring with Robins….actually, they’re called ‘American Robins’ in bird books….and whilst I can’t say they number in the hundreds, there are certainly dozens of them and they descend in large numbers onto the open lawns (paying no attention to ‘Distancing’, neither ‘Physical’ nor ‘Social’ and clearly not concerned/worried about $750-$1000 Fines….ooops!….a little slip there) searching for worms, insects and other stuff robbins eat. Anyway, Rotzy was down there this ayem sitting in Norm The Truck, having my No Name Dark Roast coffee along with my first puff just at daybreak, Parking Spot #58. Right under the Manitoba Maple tree….suddenly there is a LOT of commotion right over Norm. Flapping like crazy, jumping all over, limb to limb/branch to branch….and all this ayem mayhem caused by two robbins….Mr. and Mrs. Robin ‘making little robins’ dont’cha know! The first nest we’ve seen built sits atop the outdoor light at the ground floor office here at #555 and it could be occupied pretty soon.

Essential Services And Stuff
    One of the things on my mind….or what’s left of it….these days is ”what/whom is gonna get the green light to open/re-open because they are an ‘essential service’ ”. Factories? Restaurants? Bars/Legions/Service Clubs? Dopers? Barber Shops?(*see below) And Cetera, And Cetera. Well folks, the olde guy came close to loosing control and scrunching a ‘no parking’ sign at the In And Out Store early last week….as a serious sounding news announcer revealed ‘the WWE has been given the green light by the (US) Gov’t to re-open’….great news for Wrestling fanatics!!…the veritable heartbeat of America!! Sorry I’m not more current as to WWE stars, but I do remember The Hulk and The Undertaker trying to kill each other. The ruling will allow the WWE to produce and film the show/event/spectacular/extravaganza….with NO FANS in attendance. They’ve hinted at trying that in pro sports….MLB, NHL, NBA, NFL, etc…..won’t gonna happen. But for the WWE?? Miz. Jo and me gonna pass on that baby….our favourite (only?) ‘competitive’ shows are ”Beat Bobby Flay”, ”Chopped” and ”Chopped/Canada” on The Food Network, and altho contestants get pretty worked up, none have taken to use their cutlery as a weapon….yet.

Readers Write
    And this one appears to have a pretty good sense of what lies ahead of us as we try to put the pieces back together again. He wrote….*”If you thought toilet paper was crazy, just wait until 300 million people want a haircut appointment!! (*see above) By the bye, speaking about toilet paper, I’m seeing it, as well as paper towels, tissues, etc. on the grocers shelves….but the other side of the aisle where the Handi Wipes*tm SHOULD be are still bare as Mother Hubbard’s cupboard…..which means hoarding is still as popular as ever. Nice. Almost witnessed a ‘punch-up’ between a couple 60 to 65-ish grandmother-type women in the lineup at Zehr’s who really wanted a piece of each other….quite obviously to us onlookers over ‘distancing’, which was/is not the least bit ‘social’. The little flurrie thankfully ended peacefully, then within seconds, some fairly young, LOUD guy emerged from/was tossed out of Dollarama….and he went totally berserk. Non-stop cursing for five minutes, stomping back and forth to his vehicle…at this point, a tall guy right behind me….wearing a scary skeleton mask….decided (quite verbally) he’s ”gonna shut that &%$#@&& up”! Yours truly offered ”hey bones, he’s not worth it.” Next thing, ‘bones’ and Rotzy get into Zehr’s…..same tyme as loud guy goes back into Dollarama….so we missed Part II. Whatever. Anyway, leave us to end this on a happy note, shall we? Zoomer News reported last Fri that Tasty Kreme*tm re-opened one of their GTA locations….with a considerable amount of advertising hype, as more than 100 cars had lined up, in anticipation of that red neon light in their front window announcing ”Donuts Ready”!! Look out Timmy….they’re back!

*Thought Of The Day…Just like that, people who hate plastic bags and straws like plastic gloves. Imagine.

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