Rozty’s cranky days seem to be on the wane….thank goodness. Now he’s cheering, for Canadians in the Olympics, for the Blue Jays in hated Hog Town….
….*and this fellow had/has a couple questions on his mind, but I’ll be damned if “From Nakina” could come up with an answer to either one of them. Check ’em out….firstly, *”Why are the bank vaults always sitting there left wide open and those cheap ball point pens chained to the counter”?! Secondly, **how come on the side of a can of frozen lemonade it says ‘contains artificial lemon flavour’ whilst on the side of a box of dishwasher detergent it reads ‘contains real lemons’?! Sorry ‘Radman’ (not his real name), but I’m coming up blank too!
Another Reader Sent Us….
….**an email that Rotzy immediately Googled*tm back to The Five Man Electrical Band and their 1971 hit ‘Sign, Sign Everywhere A Sign’….a picture showing one of those roadside rental signs, sitting at some shop/business with the wording as follows….’The Employee Shortage Is Now So Bad That “Long Haired Freaky People CAN NOW APPLY”. Well sir/ma’m, ain’t THAT the truth….and thanks to Chump (not his real name) for that one. As an aside, there’s a ‘long-haired, freaky (person) standing on the narrow ‘island’ between the two inbound and two outbound lanes over at Fairview Mall, and dont-cha know he ‘made up his own little sign’, ‘Hungry/Homeless/and cetera, and just like the dude in the song….even does a ”God Bless You”….to his potential ‘donors’. But….Rotzy usually offers up a ‘God Bless You Too, Freddie’….maybe adding ”why don’t you get a &%$#@ job”?! Thus far it seems I’m not an ‘inspiration’ to him but I’m pondering handing him a toonie to walk through the Petro-Can *tm Car Wash across the street….and another one at the finish line. Don’t bet on it happening. By the bye, he’d have no idea that ‘Freddie’ is ‘Freddie The Freeloader’, Red Skelton’s famous ‘Hobo/Tramp/Bum’ character from the 1950’s TV show. Thing is, this Freddie has been booted from this spot numerous tymes….it’s a danger to him, as well as others who may stop to hand over a couple loonies or a can of Heinz Pork and Beans. ‘Nuff said.
Methought….whoa, is that the correct Past Tense of ‘methinks’?….a word I use quite regularly? Well, I’ll try it….again. Methought things were rolling along pretty decent….until last Wednesday….or was it Thursday? No matter….go with Thursday….’twas a ‘Bad Day At Black Rock’! I Iose it! Then I lost it! I mean THEM! TWO in one “F/N” day!! Masques. I’m talking about MASQUES! Real ones….not the paper ‘KN-95’s or those ‘throw away cheapies’. Real CLOTH ones! including my most favourite one with the wild animals of Canada on it!….hand stitched by Eunice (not her real name) right here in OUR building! Now I gotta get up the nerve to axe her for another….and that’s the heck of me, if you get my drift. Boog (not his real name) gets it. I’ve looked high and low….twice or thrice….and haven’t slept a wink since. OK, OK, OK, OK….I lied about not sleeping. And the possibility of it being misplaced/landed somewhere nearby/right under my oversize nose has proved to be a falsehood. Also, the fact that somebody who HATES wearing masques as much as Rotzy does and/or is as messed up as Rotzy is…..well, that’s also unnerving. (”Unnerving”?!) Hey….truth is it’s a piss-off to admit that my STM (short term memory) is toast. Then, on top of that disclosure, and in spite of my leg/ankle/foot being looked after with great care every third day at VON, it appears yours truly is in need of a ‘foot-ectomy’….and I mean like right NOW!! This came about last Sunday 25th, shortly after I hit ‘Send’ for last week’s column, destination Geraldton….before the Times-Star hit the news stands. Anyway, I knew from the onset that Rotzy had stuck my foot in my mouth…..surely deeper than ever before…..as Miz. Jo and I watched an incredibly LONG distance women’s bike race from Tokyo…..then a ‘crazy’ mountain bike event!….and recalling my major dump on the Japan Olympics. So….SO….I had a few details reported correctly (like no crowds in the various stadiums) but was flat-out wrong with others. Bottom line, I’d heard a very negative report on Zoomer 740AM….and Rotzy took it from there. I was wrong….and I’m sorry. I’m a ‘Johnny Canuck’ fan once more, checking out our daily medal count, individuals….our lady swimmers are tops, and our 100 yd dash guy is going for Gold today!….and more ‘team performances’ still to come. So….GO CANADA GO!!!
At Home In The Dome….Finally!
(*I seldom write about pro sports in this “F/N” space, but HAD to include this item!*) The Jays played their first game in the Rogers Centre yesterday in TWO years, after a fair bit of ‘pre-game ceremony’….how great was it to see everybody’s favourite ‘Home Plate Lady/Mom/Grandma/etc., front and centre and taking part in the Opening Pitch….and having funn doing it! K/C is here for a 3-game series. Alek Manoah tossed six near-perfect, shutout innings, their ‘Pen’ closed it down, and T.O. had shut out the Royals 4-0!! Obviously George Springer took a liking to the brand new (to him) digs, going 3 for 3, including TWO ‘dingers’. There are a lot of American League pitchers who won’t be looking forward to facing this Blue Jays batting lineup as they head into the dog of days of summer….because there are zero ‘soft spots’. Go Jays, GO!!!
Parking Lot Rage….Avoided
I had parked Norm The Truck in my ‘new’ ‘Wheelchair Spot’ one day last mid-week at Zehr’s, disembarked, and was mentally going thru my check-off list: 1/shopping/grocery list, 2/masque on, 3/Norm’s keys, 4/re-useable tote-bag, the large one….all set! Not two steps towards the store and somebody is talking….to me….loudly….it sounds more like chirping….sounds like someone is annoyed. At yours truly! It’s an olde guy….I’d say about 70, and he’s really ‘getting onto me’…..and really annoying me! His car is kitty-corner to Norm, one spot east of the four ‘Wheelchair spots’. I stop beside his rusty coloured Honda (or Hyundai) and even at 5’7” I’m towering over the guy, but he’s still yattering at me!…..methinks it’s about the ‘date/legality of my wheelchair permit’, so I double-checked and told him ‘it’s good for five years’. He glares at me and says ”NONONONO! Your STICKER!! On your plate”! (I figured he was gonna add ”you stoopid dink” but he spared me the trouble) Jeez! I’m really feeling like punching this fellow right into the face, but I did what he said and went to see my sticker…..”April 21 I called over to him”. ”I know” was his reply. ”But nobody told me it was/is due”. ”They don’t have to….and it’s a $500 fine if you get caught”. ”The hell with the MTO, I’ll do the jail tyme instead”….maybe just give him a little ‘backhander’ but then he said ”Hey pal, just trying to help you avoid a problem”….which, in his own ‘chirping’ way, I expect he was….so I lied to him “Thanx a lot guy, I’ll get myself over to Paris (Service Ontario) this aft and me and Norm will be current!” He called over to me “Who’s Norm’? but I was already gone. So now I’m just waiting for Doug Ford/MTO to send me an invoice.
*Thought Of The Day…How many roads must a man walk down—-before he admits he’s lost?