As I age, I realize that…


  • I don’t need anger management, I just need people to stop annoying me.

  • Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.
  • I talk to myself, because sometimes I need expert advice.
  • My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs work.
  • The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.
  • When I was child, I thought nap time was punishment. Now it’s like a mini vacation.


  • The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about.
  • Even duct tape can’t fix ‘stupid,’ but it can muffle the sound!
  • Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.


    Hard of hearing; not of being truthful.

  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.
  • When the kids text me “plz”, which is shorter than please, I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes.”
  • At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
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