July 19 – He’s back on the rails, Aboveground railroad

He was slipping away into the world of crank but now he’s back to his practical, logical old self…on steroids….cell fone steroids. Who ya gonna call? Rotzy…phone buster !

Cell Fones 101
    I’m about two weeks into my ‘Learn How To Operate a Samsung Galaxy’ (or is it Galaxie?) cell fone, our son having ‘set them up’ for Miz. Jo and yours truly, and my subsequent, albeit somewhat reluctant, agreement to ‘give it a try’. Actually ‘reluctant’ is not the best word to describe my attitude toward cell fones and/or anything to do with them. Rotzy wanted no part of it/them. Period. But….(and it was/is a BIG ‘but’)….the ‘other side’ was ‘triple ‘D’d’! Decided. Diligent. Determined. that I should/could/would learn how to operate my newest possession. Period. Having said that, and knowing full well that even the sight/mention of the (*R) ****ing thing upsets Rotzy something awful, Miz. Jo clearly came up with a ‘calm-cool-laid-back-no-pressure approach’ to my ‘cell fone course’. My ‘lessons’ would take place whenever I thought best….because my Number One/Above All Fear is that I will lose/misplace/forget it somewhere along my daily ayem ‘buckboard run’ in Norm The Truck (like I do with my masque, list, car keys and fob quite regularly). At Zehr’s, the In & Out Store, Circle K, TD Bank and cetera, putting the olde guy pretty much right at the top of the s–t list! Hence yours truly has found the best tyme for a lesson is in the aft when I’m ‘doing the gardens’….our Garden of Hope over at Hope C/R Church or down front here at #555/575 Commune Garden…..and NOT necessarily on a daily basis (*see below) Well, dont’cha know that after one or two (or half a dozen) attempts, there I am, conversing with my teacher! Even with the speaker on!….which, by the way, I much prefer, tho it is/was difficult to ‘get into that mode’. Then next tyme I have a lesson, it’ll be just like the first tyme….’cause I expect Miz. Jo’s assessment of my ‘short term memory’ is correct….it’s pretty much shot….and guess what? oooops, I can’t remember the word for it….not ‘alzheimer’s but the other one….**she just told me, it’s *dementia*, but MINE isn’t with a capital ‘D’**….and I DO remember telling her a couple years ago ”If I DO have it, I probably caught it from YOU”! Anyway, back to my Samsung lessons….Rotzy remembers enough from school to know it’s better to be the teacher’s pet than at/near the top of her ‘s–t list’ and sitting in detention, so rather than polishing up a Macintosh for her, I picked up a couple cans of Mott’s ‘Spicey’ Clamato*tm and set them in the ice box to chill. Well folks, I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging or the likes, but after a mere week or so of lessons, yesterday Rotzy ‘shot the lights out’! (*see below) and then some!! After settling in down in the parking lot at the Garden of Hope and ringing up Jo Ann (all I have to do is push #2 for that!) I actually foned #54 (not his real name) on his cell fone by using his entire fone number!! Not  bad eh?!,,,,for a demented olde phool….but next thing I know, ‘out go the lights’ (*see above) and there I am wandering around the four ‘strips’ of gardens giving it my best ‘Josef Karsh impression’!! For those of you in the dark re Josef he is/was Canada’s world famous photographer, known for his black and white portraits of famous people…altho Rotzy’s pictures basically show off the superior weeding and hoeing of plot #58 to virtually all the rest of them. I gotta say the teacher seemed quite pleased with her #1 student’s progress, and methinks she ‘grouped and filed’ the fotos somewhere….which I could likely figure out how to to view them. Stay tuned.

Damage And Destruction
    With our vegetable gardens up in Nakina, if we started having a problem with rabbits, I’d get hold of George Sr (not his real name), he’d pull into our driveway, usually the next day, and in no tyme his wife Elizabeth (not her real name) would have half a dozen snares set. (We’d keep Edna The Chow Head Dog under wraps whilst they worked so she wouldn’t go getting ‘nosey’) They’d come round and check almost daily, and have taken as many as a dozen during July and Aug!  ‘Buggs’ and his ‘southern counterparts’ here in Brant’s Ford are of course ‘invisible’ during daytyme hours at the Hope Gardens but the numerous plots making use of chicken wire and the likes is full evidence they ARE around somewhere lurking in the nearby ‘green belt’. Well, Olde Farmer McRotzy has never been one to use ‘chicken wire and the likes’ to ward off those ‘bwasted wabbits’ (to quote Elmer), so after my 13 well started/established green cabbages got ‘eschewed off’ right to ground level last mid-week it was tyme to respond to them….my quote was NOT at all like Elmer’s….Miz. Jo’s i-pod said ‘by spreading black peppercorns around the plants’, and I did. Until I ran out. By the bye, have you got any “F/N” idea what peppercorns cost these days? No? How about $17.99!! for one of those clear plastic bottles in the Spices Section…..and that’s the No Name kind! S–t. Sorry, but that’s outta bounds for the Rotzys’ ‘fixed income’. So….SO….I said (to myself) ”Well Toad, at that rate, if the method is successful, each one of your 13 cabbages will have cost you somewhere in the $5 to $6 range! Plus not to forget the initial cost of the plants. Lovely….just ****ing lovely. Tell you what…how about let’s try the Red Pepper Flakes (the stuff we sparingly add to our spag or lazagna) at a more sensible $5.49!? You think? And unless they’re Italian cottontails a generous helping could/should make their cabbage salad almost lethal. Go for it, Toad”!! And I did….to the point that the soil at the base of each plant now resembles the bright red Georgia clay. And if those bunnies want to push their luck, they’ll be looking thru the 57 other plots to see where the Rolaids*tm are. Anyway, I’ll check out Plot #58 today (Sat) at the end of my Buckboard Run and give y’all an update tomorrow. Stay tuned. **Sunday 8:00 AM Update….checked out Hope Garden yesterday about 2:00PM and all cabbage plants are coming back….so it’s working.**

Who’s Next?? (*see below)
    Last week John Tory, the Lord Mayor of Toronto called it ”the right thing to do”…in reference to city council’s 17-7 vote in favour of renaming Dundas Street. Well Sir/M’am, this ‘Dundas St. issue’ has been around for quite a while now, but when I heard the vote count from Jane Brown on Zoomer 740AM last Wed at 5:30AM I said (to myself) Well Toad, it’s high tyme for another “F/N” Contest!….haven’t had one since the ‘Name The Bridge Contest’, for which we received dozens of entries, for which the eventual winner won a week-long all-inclusive stay at Sandals in Hawaii, and for which the Nipigon Bridge was re-named The Nipigonewrong Memorial Bridge. By the bye, Miz. Jo and Rotzy ‘boycotted’ it completely after the entire two westbound lanes ‘jumped up’ a foot higher than the east-bounds, hence, we didn’t set foot in The Big Turnip even once for our last three years in Nakina”!! ‘Nuff said….welcome to the ‘Re-Name Dundas St Contest’….and we’re literally gonna ‘shoot for the stars’ for 1st Prize! A free/gratis ride on Mr Amazon’s own personal rocketship….to the star/planet of your choice. OK? OK. No two ways about it, it says here….and everywhere if you look at it, this name change is clearly a ‘racial thing’….to ‘make the playing field more level’….for mutual acceptance of people of colour by people of the colour white….and vice versa I suppose. And….will a new name  correct the many wrongs apparently wrought by Henry Dundas? In short, no. Olde Henry was a Scotsman, sometimes wore a powdered wig, likely in parliament where he carried a fancy title, served as a ‘whig’ for his party, and was allegedly/apparently a heel-dragger at ridding Great Britain of slavery. Then, some Toronto people named a street for him….ditto for Brantford, London, Woodstock and most of the rest of Cdn cities and towns (*see above)….now, some people want it gone, and let’s be honest here, some people will want it named for a black person….and why not? ”But whom?”, you ask. Martin Luther King? Nah….that’s taken. Ray Charles Blvd? Aretha Franklin Freeway? Hey….they’re Americans. OK. OK. OK. Oscar Peterson? Maybe Grammy/Juno Awards winner Dan Hill (Sometimes When We Touch). Wait a minute! How about Dan’s brother Lawrence Hill, the author. He is an absolutely amazing writer….Miz. Jo and Rotzy have read most/all his books on slavery in North America, the Underground Railroad, and particularly in the Toronto area. His attention to detail is incredible and he pulls no punches. I’m going with Lawrence….with an *asterisk….because the whole thing is unnecessary and a giant waste of money. Some said $5 Million, others say $21.1 Million….”From Nakina” says $50 Million won’t cover it. So get YOUR entries in to “F/N”HQ at jbrotz@bell.net ASAP!!

*Thought Of The Day…If you’re paying $3 for a bottle of ‘SmartWater’*tm, it isn’t working. (methinks I had this one before, but I like it!)

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